I'm not overly excited about the pending nuptials of Mr T Cruise and Miss K Holmes. I guess the daffy Scientology angle will make it moderately more interesting. He apparently has to give her a cat and a comb, because in the rules of this quaint little cult, women are happy and content with these things provided their other needs are met.

I'm getting a bit bored with celebrity weddings, to be honest. They're ten a penny, partly because they never last five minutes. Whoever thought Britney and Federline would last forever?, No, we all gave it around two years.

The celeb divorces are perhaps more fun, probably because they never learn. Britney gets herself a watertight pre-nup (go girl!) but then fools around with a four hour sex video which the slimeball Federline is now planning to sell, should his demands not be met. If only these couples would learn from the example of Billie Piper, who didn't expect a pound from Chris Evans and still counts him as a dear friend.