The quest for Lypsyl

I was on the hunt for Lypsyl the other day - you know, the lip salve that's been around forever. I love the taste and the fact that it HAS been around for years. I'm always hankering after the beauty products of yesteryear. I wonder endlessly what happened to them. Did their formulas die a death or are they stored somewhere waiting for a revival?

I think about all the thousands of perfumes that have disappeared over time. Remember in the 7Os the ubiquitous Kiku and Aqua Manda from Faberge? And products like "Glow 5" from Anne French, brands like Outdoor Girl and Woolworths' Evette; Tangee lip sticks that magically changed colour (SmashBox have a brilliant cheek stain based on the same premise).I loved a perfume called Lumiere by Rochas but it disappeared.

Anyway, back to Lypsyl. I couldn't find it in Boots or Sainsburys so was starting to fear it had gone the same way as Albion Milk of Sulphur soap, for example. So I was thrilled to find it in the local Somerfield of all places. And in a twin pack with a strawberry flavoured variant!

Anyway, a bit of judicious searching on Google revealed that you can buy Lysyl online fairly easily. It apparently originated in Sweden over 100 years ago and there is a Swedish variant with different packaging and formulas. It was acquired by a distributor Lorna Mead in 2000 with worldwide distribution rights "excluding the UK and Norway." Interesting. I see that Chemists Direct sell the original for 7Op plus strawberry, cherry and mint varieties.

Three good "I Told You So" celebrity splits

Three leading ladies broke up with their men last week, and I bet the cry of "I told you so!" was heard all over UK and USA.

Jennifer Aniston was apparently kicked into touch (again) by the slimeball John Mayer. Every time they have been pictured together, the evil photo editors have chosen pictures where Jen is gazing at Mayer, who is always looking vacantly into space. Is there a brain thing going on? I mean, has he actually got one?

The likes of Grazia, Heat at el,plus "Jen's closest friends," as the magazines always say, have been urging the poor girl to give him up for ages. I said a few weeks ago that it was time Jen's PR people started to spin stories in her favour, and it seems they're finally doing it. With classic bad timing, She magazine coaches us on Jennifer's five tips for happiness. Hurrah, they're finally trying to position Jen as a happy, fulfilled individual rather than a desperate lonely 40-something who still pines for the vacuous Brad.

Another lady with a blighted love life has kicked her fiance into touch. Geri Halliwell got engaged after a whirlwind romance and sadly we all knew it wouldn't last. He was some wealthy Italian. It had all the hallmarks of a Geri romance. Infatuation and then over familiarity and the realisation that he isn't Mr Right. At least the girl moves on quickly and doesn't prolong the agony.
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And the final casualty was the frankly rather loathsome Kerry Katona (who?). Originally famous for being an ex-Atomic Kitten and winner of I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, Kerry's life has been car crash TV ever since. Her solution to a weight problem is radical liposuction. She continued being the housewife face of Iceland's TV adverts despite being outed as a drug addict and bad mother. Her mother and friends constantly tell the tabloids evil stories for money. And then she married some low life, Mark Croft, who has apparently taken the dim girl to the cleaners. It seems she's been rejected by Iceland too in favour of the more wholesome Coleen Nolan.

The next celeb marriage to founder, in my view, will be that of Liz Hurley (oh how she hates the abbreviation from Elizabeth to Liz) and Arun Nayer. One of the papers said tellingly that Arun is finding his wife cold and obsessed with advancing her social position. Piers Morgan tells in his latest autobiography how he and a group of editors and schmoozers voted Hurley into the top 10 of the worst divas. He remarked that apart from wearing that safety pinned Versace dress, what has she ever done? And yet she has terrible airs and graces. Not bad for a girl from Basingstoke!

"Pop Goes the Band " - sad little series

What a sad little series is Living TV's Pop Goes The Band. The concept is: take an 80s pop group (so far, Dollar and Buck's Fizz); pillory the members for the natural ageing process, give them a makeover on the cheap, and then assemble them to perform just one song in front of friends and fans.

It's the usual tired formula of a makeover show but it's also a huge missed opportunity. Because the victims are all in their 40s and early 50s, they are either thin and wrinkled (Thereza Bazar, Jay Aston) or plump and non-wrinkled (Cheryl Baker, Mike from Buck's Fizz). Like all of us in that age group!

Instead of giving sound advice to viewers in that age group, we see the victims being dragged down memory lane to try to restore the contours they had in their 20s.

The show has a resident plastic surgeon but he isn't very busy. I think the budget only allows one op per show. Instead they get sent to a fearsome woman with needles called Nina, who offers ludicrous treatments like pumping oxygen into the skin involving hundreds of injections and a lot of pain. We never properly see any "before" or "afters" with her results. Thereza Bazar had terrible bruising from her Botox assault.

Meanwhile the gym routine consists of one session with the expert personal trainer, and then it appears the celebs are left to do their own thing. Now most of us know that we should have a gym routine, but like Cheryl Baker, we find any old excuse not to go. On a makeover show, you need the personal trainer to bully the victims into turning up every other day! Another example of the show being done on the cheap.

Then there's the stylist, someone called Hannah Standling. She seems to have no idea what 40 or 50 somethings want to look like. She put Cheryl Baker (pictured, left) into a matronly skirt and prim top when she had said she wanted to show some cleavage. I suggest Hannah learns some tips from Trinny & Susannah about showing off the parts you are proud of and camouflaging the parts you aren't. Jay Aston and Shelley Preston were both put in really quite atrocious baby doll type dresses.

I think Standling's options were limited because the list of suppliers at the end of the show includes Matalan, and with respect, cheap clothes are not the answer to the demands of the 40 or 50 something's figure. We need structural design and a quality cut and finish.

The show misses the chance to give some proper advice to this age group on how to look your best. It's not about looking artifically younger and trying to turn back the clock. All we can do is look as good as we possibly can for our age. I would like to see the personal trainer giving specific advice on a regime to counter middle aged spread. I would like to see Hannah Standling do the same, and the needle woman to talk some sense about prevention (sun screens, diet etc) rather than quack remedies and Botox.