The Trouble with Ulrika.

I've always tried to like Ulrika Jonsson, I really have. At the start she seemed so nice and fresh; a gorgeous young Swedish girl blundering her way through the GMTV weather. But it becomes very difficult to be an Ulrika admirer. The girl is so needy, so self-centred, and her love life has been so relentlessly like car crash TV. Last week she reached a new low. Presenting a documentary about sex addicts, somehow the whole focus of the programme focused on: yes, Ulrika herself. Yes folks, she is a sex addict and that explains everything. Her relationship with her liberal Swedish father was immediately offered up as an explanation, and the "counsellors" went to town with a lot of pyschobabble.

It doesn't take a psychologist to work out that Ulrika has low self-esteem and ties herself to men who are "emotionally unavailable." I read her autobiography a few years ago and cringed at some of her neediness; for example how she threw herself on the floor screaming when one man was leaving her. I came away with the feeling that Ulrika would make a terrible girlfriend. She probably doesn't see other women as allies. She's one of those women who always has to come out on top, always get the man and always look better than the rest. When she presented a tawdy TV show about successful women competing to win the heart of a bachelor, what happened? Ulrika proved she was the best catch, not the other women, and walked off into the sunset with him. They even got married for a time.

Then there was Sven, the England coach, and the powerful image (thanks Ulrika) of his built-up shoes outside her door. And let's not forget the footballer and savage Stan Colleymore who apparently punched her in public.

Ulrika's now at a very difficult time career-wise. She didn't successfully progress to "serious woman TV presenter" so she's now in the holding pen of former glamour presenters who fight amongst themselves for the few BBC3 and 5 crumbs available (Zoe Ball, Carol Smilie, Anthea Turner, soon Davina McCall). And she isn't ageing well. Too much sun exposure, dieting and emotional turmoil have left her looking haggard. She faces the wilderness for a few years until she can come back as a wise and well preserved older woman and present travel and wildlife shows on daytime TV, like Angela Rippon and Selina Scott.

The only sound advice from the sex addicts experts (whose therapy involves you confiding in horses) was that Ulrika should be celibate for a year. Her horror at this suggested it's not an option she's going to take up, but I think it would do wonders for her career. She could, for starters, write a book about it.

Avon calling!

My mum used to be an Avon lady. When I was a young girl, she often took me with her as she plodded round the streets of Plympton with her blue tweedy briefcase containing foundation and perfume samples. I was always desperate for someone to want to try the foundation samples, in the little bottles, but they never did.

This early introduction into the world of beauty got me interested in products at a young age. I was enthralled with Avon's perfumes such as Elegance, Somewhere, Topaz and Occur (I considered myself too old for Pretty Peach!). There was a big launch campaign for, I remember, Moonwind, Bird of Paradise and Elusive.

One of the first products I ever had was an Avon mousse face pack called Matter of Minits, which came in an aerosol can. Quite innovative when you think about it. Mum was a devotee of Skin So Soft (which I believe they still do), and Eye & Throat Oil. She was good at selling and I remember going to a prize giving ceremony in the guildhall where she was presented with a tiny lapel pin for good sales.

Now, as a marketer, Avon intrigues me. I gather they are still performing very strongly in countries like China, but I would imagine that the mature markets offer little growth potential for their traditional direct seling model. A lot of women are at work during the day so it can't be easy to sell door-to-door. They famously don't have a retail presence, and their demographic - older women - are perhaps less likely to buy on the internet if they choose that route. I saw a TV show about Avon recently where they were trying to appeal to younger buyers with younger Avon ladies and diffusion brands for fashion make-up.

My take would be that they should focus on their core strengths and target their more innovative skin care products at women 45+. This is the market with the money. And this market knows the brand. Forget the youngsters. I can't see Avon ever being able co compete with the likes of Rimmel with Kate Moss.

I would give them a superb online presence, with delivery in 24 hours, and give people the touch/feel/smell experience by sending Avon into shopping centres with a hi-tech immersion experience and boffins in white coats with their anti-ageing products.

I would drop Tamzin Outhwaite, if they're still using her, and hire a role model for the 40s/50s like Amanda Redman or Carol Vorderman or, if they want global appeal, one of the Desperate Housewives or Sex In the City ladies.

I am not averse to a little cheating to hurry along the diet and exercise efforts. Recently I went to a clinic in London which uses ultrasound in a treatment called Ultra Shape. Unfortunately, I wasn't suitable for the treatment, but the doctor recommended I try something called RF (radiofrequency) with the new Accent laser. Now this has been around for years and available for the face, but only recently for the body. Thermage is another type of treatment which I was told doesn't get such good results. Accent is excellent at tightening the skin and its results are progressive because it stimulates collagen production. The doctor said his wife, in his 40s, had the treatment on her stomach and it significantly improved.

So on Tuesday I have an appointment at a Knightsbridge clinic for a consultation, and I'll keep you posted. I looked into two alternatives: Lipodissolve, injections which it's claimed remove fat (I'm a bit sceptical) and SmartLipo, which only seems to be offered at one clinic in London. Using a fine cannula, fat is loosened but not removed: it is metabolised and flushed through the system over a period of weeks. The benefit is that unlike normal liposuction, which hoovers out everything, this is more selective, and helps to stimulate collagen production so improving the appearance of the skin. I thought about this and didn't like the idea that results were long-term (how do you know it's going to work?) or the idea of fat swooshing around - surely it would re-adhere?!

Elizabeth Hurley's wedding tomorrow and no doubt she will look slim and fabulous, having said before Christmas that she and Arun were going to exercise and lose weight to look good for their wedding.

I've written about Hurley before and how I think her wedding, firstly at some old castle and then in India, is overkill. I imagine the Versace dress will be a form-fitting sheath type dress with a plunging neckline. I can't imagine her in a frothy frou frou or meringue type dress. I don't think we've seen a bride her age wearing white and the full works since...oh, Bet Lynch......

My own dieting endeavours were scuppered this week by a jar of nuts and an apple crumble. Neither of them very appealing, and in hindsight, not worth ruining this week's efforts.

I was attending a two-day meeting in London and assumed that the hotel mass-produced food wouldn't appeal. I was right, except that yesterday I made the mistake of not having breakfast, as the choices were bacon rolls (no, no!) or some unripe fruit (melon etc). Big mistake: by lunchtime I was as hungry as a horse and that's where the apple crumble came in. It wasn't even nice! Having gone off the rails I then decreed the rest of the day was what I call an "eating day," where I don't count calories and have something nice. Fortunately, the crumble was so filling I didn't stray for the rest of the day.

The nuts were equally heinous, those hard dry nuts you get in a hotel minibar. I was en route to a dinner and again, too hungry - so unfortunately those nuts were all that was so hand. I should be better prepared and have some of Gillian's seeds in my pocket. I didn't err too badly at the restaurant, Strada: I had buffalo mozzarella and tomatoes followed by a ravioli with tomatoes and spinach, and no pudding. But I won't weigh myself until next week!