Gwyneth you're looking faintly ridiculous

After several years being a "mom," actress Gwyneth Paltrow has ensured that she got big headlines upon her return by wearing a bizarre collection of shoes, and then, as the photo shows, a strange plunging catsuit.

We're told that Gwyneth has been using Madonna's personal trainer and is so proud of her new toned body that she's keen to flaunt it. Consequently we've seen 35 year old Gwyneth in very short skirts and very high heels - seven inches in one case.

Although she's only 35, Gwyneth seems a lot older. She comes across as very straight, a bit boring, and very disciplined. I bet her diet is all "macro this" and "none of that." Seeing her wear these outlandish clothes seems as unlikely as your grandmother doing it.

Still, at least she got the desired publicity, and none of the hag writers criticised her legs, which are long and cellulite free. So Gwyneth, job done; now you can slip those flip flops on.