Posh: Keep Lindsay at Bay - get her quilting for the day

I read that Lindsay Lohan (my partner said "Lindsay who?" Sums it up well) recently declared a wager saying she would "get" David Beckham.

I hope poor old Posh isn't getting too wound up about it. I wouldn't want her to go off her food. I mean, Lindsay Lohan?! What does she have going for her? She's been in a few teen films, she's had a few brushes with the long arm of the law, she's been in and out of rehab a few times (and still only in her early 20s) and she was turned down by George Clooney. Not a very impressive list of credentials, is it? She's not very appealing physically either, gingery with freckles and gawky. She plainly thinks she's a man magnet, although Calum Best, one of our best known idle layabouts and a recent squeeze of hers, is hardly in the same league as David Beckham, or George Clooney.

Still, if reports are to be believed, she's about to be fired from her studio so I guess she will have a bit of time on her hands. Posh, Machiavelli advises us to know and befriend our enemies, so my recommendation is that you meet Linds for a glass of that weird tea you drink and get her quilting for charity. Anything to help rehabilitate her image (her own advisors can't seem to do it) and keep her away from your husband.