Cosmetic frenzy in Boston

I was in Boston, US, last week when John was running the marathon there. I love US trips as a great opportunity to shop for cosmetics at lower than UK prices. I got off to a flying start on the plane, where I bought a Bobbi Brown Shimmering Lip Gloss Palette. Big mistake. The colours all look different in the palette, but when you apply them, you get the same result whichever colour you use. And not a great result either. Oh well.

Once in Boston, I made a beeline for Walgreen's and Sephora to search eagerly for stuff you can't get over here. In Sephora I found the Models Inc line, endorsed by Elle McPherson, which is darned difficult to buy in the UK, but it appeared they'd sold out of the miracle eye lifting serum. Damn. Moving on to Nars. I foolishly forgot to buy a new Multiple (my current one, two years old, I suddenly notice has nearly run out) but I did buy two dreamy cream eyeshadows, one in El Dorado (gold) and a double compact in Thebes. As I was queueing to pay, I was diverted by the dumper of small items they sell nea the check-out (similar to how children are tempted by sweets) and popped a Murad Exfoliating Fruit Enzyme Mask in my basket.

Meanwhile I didn't really find a Walgreens as such, but a similar store called JMB or something like that. I was hoping to buy the Crest stick-on teeth whitening strips, which they don't sell in the UK, but they were behind a sealed container with the legend "ask a staff member to help," and as there were no staff members around, I had to foregoe that one. I bought a few things which have mostly turned out to be useless. At least I didn't buy another nude lipstick. It seems to have become my mission in life to find a nude lipstick that flatters me. There must be one. I've accumulated several, and I still haven't found the right one.

Hurley's wedding goes pear shaped

Today's papers disclose that Elizabeth Hurley's father-in-law is fuming after being sidelined at her Indian wedding extravaganza. Vinod Nayar was not allowed to take the normal parental role in the ceremony; he was prevented by his son from taking photos at a cricket match, when the various D list celebrities were happy snapping away, and his gift of jewellery was shunned when Hurley wore instead an emerald necklace loaned by Arun's German mother, which his first wife had worn.

I must say I was quite surprised when I saw the Hello! magazine coverage because there were very few pictures of Arun's family. Now we know why. For the sake of their tawdy Hello deal (for which they got less than Wayne Rooney and Coleen) they squeezed out the family and squeezed in the D list, among them Trinny Woodall and Elton John's partner.

Hopefully these latest disclosures will sign the death knell for Hurley and Nayar, and will have a similar effect on their careers as "Cadburygate" did for Anthea Turner and Grant Bovey.

The Trouble with Ulrika.

I've always tried to like Ulrika Jonsson, I really have. At the start she seemed so nice and fresh; a gorgeous young Swedish girl blundering her way through the GMTV weather. But it becomes very difficult to be an Ulrika admirer. The girl is so needy, so self-centred, and her love life has been so relentlessly like car crash TV. Last week she reached a new low. Presenting a documentary about sex addicts, somehow the whole focus of the programme focused on: yes, Ulrika herself. Yes folks, she is a sex addict and that explains everything. Her relationship with her liberal Swedish father was immediately offered up as an explanation, and the "counsellors" went to town with a lot of pyschobabble.

It doesn't take a psychologist to work out that Ulrika has low self-esteem and ties herself to men who are "emotionally unavailable." I read her autobiography a few years ago and cringed at some of her neediness; for example how she threw herself on the floor screaming when one man was leaving her. I came away with the feeling that Ulrika would make a terrible girlfriend. She probably doesn't see other women as allies. She's one of those women who always has to come out on top, always get the man and always look better than the rest. When she presented a tawdy TV show about successful women competing to win the heart of a bachelor, what happened? Ulrika proved she was the best catch, not the other women, and walked off into the sunset with him. They even got married for a time.

Then there was Sven, the England coach, and the powerful image (thanks Ulrika) of his built-up shoes outside her door. And let's not forget the footballer and savage Stan Colleymore who apparently punched her in public.

Ulrika's now at a very difficult time career-wise. She didn't successfully progress to "serious woman TV presenter" so she's now in the holding pen of former glamour presenters who fight amongst themselves for the few BBC3 and 5 crumbs available (Zoe Ball, Carol Smilie, Anthea Turner, soon Davina McCall). And she isn't ageing well. Too much sun exposure, dieting and emotional turmoil have left her looking haggard. She faces the wilderness for a few years until she can come back as a wise and well preserved older woman and present travel and wildlife shows on daytime TV, like Angela Rippon and Selina Scott.

The only sound advice from the sex addicts experts (whose therapy involves you confiding in horses) was that Ulrika should be celibate for a year. Her horror at this suggested it's not an option she's going to take up, but I think it would do wonders for her career. She could, for starters, write a book about it.

Avon calling!

My mum used to be an Avon lady. When I was a young girl, she often took me with her as she plodded round the streets of Plympton with her blue tweedy briefcase containing foundation and perfume samples. I was always desperate for someone to want to try the foundation samples, in the little bottles, but they never did.

This early introduction into the world of beauty got me interested in products at a young age. I was enthralled with Avon's perfumes such as Elegance, Somewhere, Topaz and Occur (I considered myself too old for Pretty Peach!). There was a big launch campaign for, I remember, Moonwind, Bird of Paradise and Elusive.

One of the first products I ever had was an Avon mousse face pack called Matter of Minits, which came in an aerosol can. Quite innovative when you think about it. Mum was a devotee of Skin So Soft (which I believe they still do), and Eye & Throat Oil. She was good at selling and I remember going to a prize giving ceremony in the guildhall where she was presented with a tiny lapel pin for good sales.

Now, as a marketer, Avon intrigues me. I gather they are still performing very strongly in countries like China, but I would imagine that the mature markets offer little growth potential for their traditional direct seling model. A lot of women are at work during the day so it can't be easy to sell door-to-door. They famously don't have a retail presence, and their demographic - older women - are perhaps less likely to buy on the internet if they choose that route. I saw a TV show about Avon recently where they were trying to appeal to younger buyers with younger Avon ladies and diffusion brands for fashion make-up.

My take would be that they should focus on their core strengths and target their more innovative skin care products at women 45+. This is the market with the money. And this market knows the brand. Forget the youngsters. I can't see Avon ever being able co compete with the likes of Rimmel with Kate Moss.

I would give them a superb online presence, with delivery in 24 hours, and give people the touch/feel/smell experience by sending Avon into shopping centres with a hi-tech immersion experience and boffins in white coats with their anti-ageing products.

I would drop Tamzin Outhwaite, if they're still using her, and hire a role model for the 40s/50s like Amanda Redman or Carol Vorderman or, if they want global appeal, one of the Desperate Housewives or Sex In the City ladies.

I am not averse to a little cheating to hurry along the diet and exercise efforts. Recently I went to a clinic in London which uses ultrasound in a treatment called Ultra Shape. Unfortunately, I wasn't suitable for the treatment, but the doctor recommended I try something called RF (radiofrequency) with the new Accent laser. Now this has been around for years and available for the face, but only recently for the body. Thermage is another type of treatment which I was told doesn't get such good results. Accent is excellent at tightening the skin and its results are progressive because it stimulates collagen production. The doctor said his wife, in his 40s, had the treatment on her stomach and it significantly improved.

So on Tuesday I have an appointment at a Knightsbridge clinic for a consultation, and I'll keep you posted. I looked into two alternatives: Lipodissolve, injections which it's claimed remove fat (I'm a bit sceptical) and SmartLipo, which only seems to be offered at one clinic in London. Using a fine cannula, fat is loosened but not removed: it is metabolised and flushed through the system over a period of weeks. The benefit is that unlike normal liposuction, which hoovers out everything, this is more selective, and helps to stimulate collagen production so improving the appearance of the skin. I thought about this and didn't like the idea that results were long-term (how do you know it's going to work?) or the idea of fat swooshing around - surely it would re-adhere?!

Elizabeth Hurley's wedding tomorrow and no doubt she will look slim and fabulous, having said before Christmas that she and Arun were going to exercise and lose weight to look good for their wedding.

I've written about Hurley before and how I think her wedding, firstly at some old castle and then in India, is overkill. I imagine the Versace dress will be a form-fitting sheath type dress with a plunging neckline. I can't imagine her in a frothy frou frou or meringue type dress. I don't think we've seen a bride her age wearing white and the full works since...oh, Bet Lynch......

My own dieting endeavours were scuppered this week by a jar of nuts and an apple crumble. Neither of them very appealing, and in hindsight, not worth ruining this week's efforts.

I was attending a two-day meeting in London and assumed that the hotel mass-produced food wouldn't appeal. I was right, except that yesterday I made the mistake of not having breakfast, as the choices were bacon rolls (no, no!) or some unripe fruit (melon etc). Big mistake: by lunchtime I was as hungry as a horse and that's where the apple crumble came in. It wasn't even nice! Having gone off the rails I then decreed the rest of the day was what I call an "eating day," where I don't count calories and have something nice. Fortunately, the crumble was so filling I didn't stray for the rest of the day.

The nuts were equally heinous, those hard dry nuts you get in a hotel minibar. I was en route to a dinner and again, too hungry - so unfortunately those nuts were all that was so hand. I should be better prepared and have some of Gillian's seeds in my pocket. I didn't err too badly at the restaurant, Strada: I had buffalo mozzarella and tomatoes followed by a ravioli with tomatoes and spinach, and no pudding. But I won't weigh myself until next week!

Shortcuts to Slimness

Sometimes we need to see results sooner than can be delivered by dieting and exercise. So we try all sorts of shortcuts. Here are a few I've tried.

1) Slendertone / Ultratone, it comes in many incarnations, but offers faradic muscle exercise via pads and electronic impulses.

Years ago I bought a Slendertone "Gymbody 8," which was a set of pads you had to laboriously position, wire up and warily lie back while your muscles jumped around like Frankinstein the Monster on his slab. If the muscles didn't jump around, you'd placed the pads incorrectly and it could be quite painful. Well the kit wasn't very user friendly, so I eventually sold it. Slendertone then introduced their belt versions, and I've got the shorts that are supposed to tone your bottom and thighs, and the belt for the abdomen. The shorts version is just hideous to use. You have to grope inside the damn thing to peel off the protective pads; they're forever beeping, and it's all too much effort. The abdomen version is more successful in terms of usage, but I can't say I have noticed any results.

In the salon I tried Ionithermie, which provides the additional bonus of a clay mask in addition to the muscle toning. This works well, temporarily. A good quick fix if you wanted to slide into a tight dress for a party.

2) Creams and lotions
There are lots of creams that claim to firm the skin. Recently I tried Clarins Super Restorative Refining Body Care for waist & abdomen. Now this seems to work. I can't say I lost an inch round my waist, which some users report, but it definitely improves the appearance and tone of the skin. The only drawback is that it doesn't last long and it costs £45. Another product worth trying is Decleor Tonilastil Aromessence, the oil and balm. This helps tighten stretched skin and I found it good on the thighs.

3) "Magic Knickers"
These were 'outed' by Bridget Jones and by Trinny & Susannah, and have become more acceptable. In previous incarnations they were known as panty girdles! I've tried several different brands and to be honest, none of them are great. The Nancy Ganz slip, with built in bra, is awful and rides up all the time, plus the bra never sits in the right place. I have a hideous looking all-in-one by Annette, which comes down to the knees, in a skin colour. It's actually quite a good body shaper but it has a tiny opening for...er...going to the loo, and it's just not practical. I've got a black Miraclesuit which also has cycling short legs, and stops just below the bra with the aim of controlling a spare tyre (midriff bulge). The problem is, it starts to slip down during the night and you end up with a strange shape at the back.

The only type I would recommend are the straight forward cycling short variety as they minimise VPL and hold in the tummy slightly. But don't get too tight a pair because otherwise your stomach bulges over the top and the bottoms can be seen through your trousers. Miraclesuit & Annette can both be bought from http://figleaves.co.uk

Sinning and Slimming

As I mentioned a couple of days ago, turning serious attention to losing some weight (a stone / 14 pounds). I was going to do it my usual way, counting calories with the online tracker, endeavouring to have five portions of fruit & veg a day and so on, but then I came across "Simandslim.com" which, for just over £16, gives you a personal diet plan with a controlled web site area.

Intrigued, I completed the online survey, which aims to give you some leeway in terms of 'sins' each day and week, plus one day a month where you eat all you like. This is a bit alien to me because when I'm dieting I don't try to build in "treats." I've always thought that's the wrong approach. You need to change your eating habits instead of expecting a daily chocolate bar. Anyway, the website insisted that I come up with some sins so I came up with weekly restaurant meal, an extra helping of pasta once a week, two large glasses of wine twice a week, and a dessertspoon of jam or mayonnaise daily (that one I won't do).

The diet plan itself is 28 pages long. Nowhere does it talk calories, fat units or anything else; it insists you have a lot of vitamin C as this is supposed to increase metabolism, and you have to eat quite often throughout the day. I will be interested to see how it works out when I enter my daily intake into the online calorie counter I use.

Tonight is my first challenge: we're going to eFour, the local Indian, where I normally have a chicken rogan. Sin and Slim tells me sternly I must only have tandoori meat with a portion of rice the size of half a fist, and some vegetables (not in a sauce).

I'll let you know how I get on.....

Today was a significant date for a couple of reasons. Firstly, had I stuck to my post Christmas diet, started on 3 January, I would have reached target weight. Instead, I weighed this morning and was a pound heavier than my starting weight.
As Bridget Jones would say, "aargh."
I've got a normal BMI (under 25) and can still wear size 12 (US size 8) clothes, but there's no way right now I would wear a bikini on the beach. So, with Cyprus in June beckoning, I really have to knuckle down and get off my lardy arse (as John would say).
I have a terrific ally which is the website http://nutracheck.co.uk. It's an all-singing and dancing calorie counter and online diary, so no excuses for not knowing how many calories you've had.
The other significance of today is the start of Lent. I'm not strictly speaking religious, but it struck me as a good opportunity to give something up. So a large lump of cheese found itself hurtling into the wheelie bin just now, along with the Laughing Cow Lite ("no nutritional value" Gillian McKeith would say).
Stay tooned for how I get on. My new target date, as set by the website, is April 11.

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Today's Random Thoughts

I've never felt the same about Lorraine Kelly (GMTV) since I read that someone on her team resigned after a text destined for her husband went to LK instead. It said something along the lines of "LK is a witch and I hate her."

I used to think LK was sweet but now her voice sounds like Mrs Doubtfire and I find her cloying and irritating.

Daffodils

The Tete-a-Tete miniature daffodils are starting to come out in the front garden, joining the crocuses (crocii?). I shall take pictures at the weekends to make a scrapbook page. Spring is here!

Blogging

It was fun today checking back into two sites I discovered yesterday, myweblog and rankmyblog. On the latter my other blog still only has 3 votes (even though I've exhorted my colleagues and friends to visit!) and on the former I had a few messages and even someone joining my community. On Myspace, where I improved my page yesterday, I now have a friend, Frances (not just Tom, who's way too popular). Feel like I'm finally getting the hand of the blogosphere, after months of trying.

I'm not overly excited about the pending nuptials of Mr T Cruise and Miss K Holmes. I guess the daffy Scientology angle will make it moderately more interesting. He apparently has to give her a cat and a comb, because in the rules of this quaint little cult, women are happy and content with these things provided their other needs are met.

I'm getting a bit bored with celebrity weddings, to be honest. They're ten a penny, partly because they never last five minutes. Whoever thought Britney and Federline would last forever?, No, we all gave it around two years.

The celeb divorces are perhaps more fun, probably because they never learn. Britney gets herself a watertight pre-nup (go girl!) but then fools around with a four hour sex video which the slimeball Federline is now planning to sell, should his demands not be met. If only these couples would learn from the example of Billie Piper, who didn't expect a pound from Chris Evans and still counts him as a dear friend.