Detox - don't do it!

It's at this time of year (New Year's Eve) when everyone starts guiltily counting up the cost of Christmas in terms of weight gain, bloating and puffy eyes. You may also be thinking of some draconian New Year's resolutions to do with losing ten stone or joining a gym, or going on a detox. My advice? Don't do it!

Of course it's great to put our bodies first, and commit to eating sensibly for 90% of the time. And I do try to do this. But in my experience, joining a gym in January and making some pretty demanding resolutions is a bad idea at this time of year. January is a gloomy month anyway. Don't be too hard on yourself. If you want to resolve to improve some aspect of your life, do it in a gentle way. If you want to lose weight, maybe try to walk 10,000 steps a day using a pedometer -- and if you're still doing it in six weeks, then join a gym because your resolve is good (and you will have lost weight). Or resolve to lose a dress size in six weeks' time. Or resolve to keep a food diary each day, maybe using this great site

As for a detox, complete waste of time. Scientific studies have shown that our bodies are so advanced they can "detox" very effectively on their own even if you've consumed your own body weight in kebabs and steam pudding washed down with a month's alcohol units. Those special detox drinks are nothing but a con, and taste foul. Exponents of detox say you will feel light headed, maybe have spots - all signs the body is expelling waste. Nonsense - it's the cry of help from a body which is being starved and unable to respond effectively to the demands you're making on it.

So don't detox but instead aim to drink a lot of water, avoid pre-packaged foods full of transfats (pies, pastries, biscuits, ready meals) and include at least five portions of fruit and veg in your daily intake.

My own resolutions this year are about continuing to go to aqua aerobics, three times a week, and to walk more. I aim to eat sensibly 90% of the time and have been doing this in general. There were a few lapses over Christmas of course but I was happy to go back to a healthier regime a couple of days ago. I have another resolution which is to go to the theatre/cinema more often, and I'm looking forward to buying some tickets online shortly to make that one come true! It starts tomorrow with a trip to the Tutankhamnun exhibition. Have a Happy New Year!

The Dangers of Reading Vogue

I am and always have been an inveterate reader of magazines. My first hit was Teddy Bear comic followed by Princess Tina, Pink and Diana when I was a child, moving swiftly on to Jackie, Fab 208, NME, Honey, 19, Over21; flirtations with The Face and Wallpaper and then Cosmopolitan, New Woman, Marie-Claire. Even when I was married I used to secretly buy wedding magazines and swoon over the dresses. And now I get my magazine fix with about six craft magazines a month, monthlies Eve, Red, Delicious and Woman & Home, and occasionally others like House Beautiful, Zest, Easy Living. And very, very rarely: Vogue.

If I'm in a waiting room I usually reach for the Vogue and find myself thinking how interesting some of the articles are, and why don't I ever buy it?

Well, today dear reader, I did buy it. I knew my DH was going to watch The Bourne Ultimatum, and if there's one thing I find very perplexing, it's those Bourne films where Matt Damon seems to travel the world at breakneck speed always being pursued by the CIA or others, for what reason I can never fathom as he never seems to know himself.

Anyway, the only magazine on the shelf I hadn't read, apart from those completely beyond the pale like Prima or Heat, was Vogue. I was so desperate last week I even read OK and Gardeners World.

The thing with Vogue is that it makes me utter this sort of anguished, swoony sound. It's a sort of choked sob. It's because I get this pang because I'll never wear the massive rocks in the jewellery ads, or drive the flash sports cars in the ads or wear the clothes in the ads or features (o0r be thin enough, even if I had the money and/or confidence to walk into one of those shops).

And then there are the parties with ridiculous socialites posing smugly in their Chloe or Gucci clobber. This issue also featured very sickening interviews with three British top models. Lily Cole, all of 19, is buying some glam apartment in Manhattan and frets about having enough space for her clothes. Agyness (whatever happened to Agnes?) Deynes shares her hectic diary where she seems to rush from one party to the next, staying at the Dorchester in between parties (as you do). Sigh. I never went from one party to the next, even when I was their age. God, I'm jealous.

Now, parties are to be dreaded and largely avoided for fear of getting lumbered with someone boring: plus nowadays I rarely get "the glad eye" from anyone which used to make parties worthwhile. For me, the anticipation of a party and the buying of a frock and evening bag is the best bit. Once you've gone in, had the ums-and-ahs for your attire and one or two dances, you might as well go home and see what you taped on Sky Plus.

The dreaded D word

When I was at my mum's this weekend, she observed that it must be very hard for me to keep the weight off as I still have a very good appetite.

Sadly, that's very true. While I am nowhere near Victoria Beckham's proportions, and never likely to be, I am a couple of stone lighter than I was back in 2004 and I've tried to keep it that way. I'm happy being a normal BMI and size 12. I would love to lose another stone, but it probably isn't going to happen because food is one of the joys of life and I would hate to be on a regime the whole time.

To lose weight, and keep it off, you have to find a system that works for you personally. I went to a class once and hated it, but for some people WeightWatchers and other classes are wonderful. I've tried most of the blockbuster diets but I now realise there's no mystique to it. Calories go in, calories go out. There's a certain number you need for your build and level of activity. It doesn't matter how these calories are consumed. You could eat three Mars bars and be under the limit (although obviously the nutritional value would not be great!). And you could eat an extra Mars bar if you exercised a lot.

So the way that works best for me is calorie counting. This way, I don't need to ban foods. If I want to eat something high in calories occasionally, I can balance it out by lowering my intake the following day.

I like carbs too, particularly potatoes, and I refuse to acknowledge the mumbo-jumbo that is written about carbs. Provided you build your potato intake into your calorie target, there's no reason why you can't eat potatoes. When I lost two and a half stone in 2004, I did it with a jacket potato every day.

Eat too much protein and yes you get thin, but you look older, your breath smells and you lack energy. A balanced diet which includes the right amount of carbs and healthy fat is very important to me.

I find the online calorie counter Nutracheck excellent. First you enter your height, weight, how much activity you have and so on, and it gives you a target date. Then, every day in your food diary you enter the barcodes of many everyday foods from Sainsburys, M&S and so on, and it counts up your fruit and veg portions a day too. It's an excellent educator to guide you into how many calories various things are. And you can also enter the exercise you do, in my case water aerobics, intense effort, three times a week.

Earlier this year, after my Cyprus holiday I realised I was 10 pounds over my preferred weight, and it made a big difference. So I made a concerted effort to lose two pounds a week. Some weeks it happened, others I had to go to business lunches or whatever. The key thing is not to allow a lunch or a dinner to derail you. You can start again the next day.

Christmas poses its own unique challenges. I would love to indulge myself in all my favourite foods: quiche, Scotch eggs, dips, crips, cheese, trifle, dark chocolate - not to mention a huge roast and lots of cocktails. But I find it's better not to be tempted. So I won't be buying most of those things. I suppose it sounds as if Christmas is a bit bleak at my gaff, but we'll still have a big, normal roast, and a small amount of some of the "naughties." But neither of us sees the point in stuffing to excess and then going into the New Year with the miserable task of having to shed pounds. As they say, a minute in the mouth, a month on the hips......

I also find that over indulging leaves me feeling tired and lethargic. I start to crave salads and vegetables. So I plan to cook lots of nutritious meals with healthy ingredients, and will drink plenty of water to offset the schooners of sherry!

In search of radiance

One of my friends told me I haven't updated this blog for ages. So here are some suggestions on how we oldies (40+) can find that elusive glow that you take for granted when you're younger.

I quite often look at myself in the mirror and sigh "not exactly radiant!" But there are a few tips and tricks for giving the illusion of smooth glowing skin. The famous Beauty Flash Balm from Clarins, and an equivalent product from Decleor never really worked for me. I find them quite drying and you have to be quick to apply make-up.

If I've got time on my hands, or I'm preparing for a party, then finding radiance can be quite a process. It starts with Elemis's gorgeous Papaya enzyme mask. This is a deliciously scented cream which acts like an exfoliator and gets rid of all the surface dry skin. I don't like exfoliators very much - they are all, to my mind, harsh and drying, but this Elemis product is like a hybrid exfoliator and mask.

I follow that with my beloved Decleor Hydrotenseur eye firming serum (the best eye product I've ever used) and on my skin, Decleor Experience de l'Age moisturizer which claims a triple action for wrinkle correction, firmness and radiance. Well, you can't argue with that, and it certainly feels lovely with a melting velvety texture.

Now for make-up. Women over 40 should always use foundation. Tinted moisturizers don't offer enough cover. I don't like a heavy foundation but I opt for one that gives light to medium coverage and has an illuminating effect, usually by Chanel or Estee Lauder (I love Lucidity). Then I use Yves St Laurent Touche Eclat in areas that need lightening: around the nose, corners of the mouth, the circles under the eyes (but not close to the lashes). Blusher is the final touch, and it needs to be a cream blusher, never powder. I like Nars The Multiple in Portofino. Mascara and lip gloss complete the look, and by now you should be looking fairly radiant!

If time is tight then I rely purely on the Decleor moisturizer and serum, Touche Eclat and blusher.

Colouring your hair at home

I've been colouring my hair since I was, oh, 14. My first product was a Rimmel semi permanent: they came in little glass bottles, and it was an auburn shade. Unfortunately we had a fire alarm the following day school and it was raining. Standing out in the playground the dye started to run down my face. Very embarrassing.

It didn't put me off though and I carried on happily experimenting. Toners, Harmony, Color Glo, mostly in red shades; one foray with purple (not a success) and black. Black was hideous. I looked like Morticia Adams. It made me look washed out. And I must have neglected a big piece of hair at the back because a child on the bus said loudly: "Mum why has that lady got a big brown bit of hair at the back?"

I even tried blonde, fleetingly. But I have very dark brown hair and it was pretty much a disaster. It went quite gingery so I had to do it again. It was OK, I even passed as a Swede in Sweden, but the first time I did the roots retouch, I couldn't get them beyond ginger and then tried to go back to brunette which was harder than you'd think: it went mousey, and I had to use two packets of permanent dye to get it to the right shade. Fortunately because my hair is what hairdressers call "strong," it recovered without looking too much like horse hair.

Now I colour my hair every five weeks using a dark reddish brown from Nutrisse. I have three criteria for a permanent dye: it needs to go on dry hair (I can't be doing with wetting the hair first, and then having it drip dye down my back); it needs to smell pleasant and not remind me of the awful chemicals it contains, and it needs to cover grey well.

I'm not too grey, just around the hairline. Some products are too red and make the white hairs a shade of orange, but Nutrisse blends them in perfectly. Sometimes I wonder if my hair is too dark for my age (very ageing apparently) but I tried a lighter shade of red and it went too orangey after a couple of weeks. Red is very difficult to maintain.

My tips for successful home colouring are:
1) Leave dramatic changes and highlights to the professionals.
2) Smear Vaseline around your hairline before you start, to stop the dye staining your forehead.
3) Make sure you drape plenty of old towels around the floor: darker dyes are terrible for staining. My partner loathes me colouring my hair so I do it secretly, and have to make sure there is no evidence in the bathroom (stains or marks anywhere). I usually take my rubber gloves and bathroom cleaning products with me to give the bathroom a clean while I'm waiting for it to take.
4) The applicators that come with most kits are useless for getting dye into the hairline. So I always use the tray and little brush that comes with the Nice n Easy root retouch product. I find the brush is excellent for the hairline, and I simply rinse it out each time to use again.
5) Always follow the instructions and don't wait any longer, or keep dye for later.
6) Always use a conditioner every time you wash. I find the ones designed for coloured hair are the best. I used to use those for red hair, but found they were making it too red, so I now use those aimed at brunettes. They help to prolong the depth of the colour and give a nice shine. I've tried all of them and like Pantene best. If you don't use a conditioner, and occasionally a deep conditioning product, your hair will feel very coarse and dry and won't shine at all, and then you'll have the helmet hair typical of home dyers (if that's a proper word!).
7)If you've used a shade for the first time, write down what it was. It's easy to forget which one it was when you're next in the shop.

Diet pills, patches, teas or sprays: all a big con

The excellent Channel 4 programme "Cook Yourself Slim" has, every week, exposed a dieting product as being useless. It's been gratifying to see slimming patches, a slimming spray and slimming tea (apparently used by Posh Spice) revealed as rubbish. They always run the legend "this does not constitute a clinical trial," but have you ever noticed how few of these products ever go through proper clinical trials? They don't because the results would be so bad no-one would buy the product. We do, however, swallow whatever hype they throw at us, because we're all looking for a quick fix to lose weight.

I recently tried, against my better judgment, a new slimming pill called TrimSecrets. Michelle Mone from Ultimo is their testimonial customer and I suspect she is also co-marketing the product, because I receive emails "from the desk of Michelle Mone," as you do for Ultimo.

So, what's in a TrimSecret? Well, the dinky tin contains a calorie controlled diet sheet. It's a sensible diet. You're encouraged to drink a lot of water and exercise. All good. Then you're supposed to take one of the capsules three times a day.

The capsules, we're told, contain only natural ingredients, and looking at the list, most of the ingredients have been associated with speeding up the metabolism: green tea, vitamin C, chromium for example. There is also caffeine and guarana extract, both stimulants.

In the first week of using TrimSecrets I lost 3 pounds, which was good but not surprising because I was very enthusiastic about my new regime and exercised a lot. The second week it went down to two pounds and the third, one pound, which was a rate of loss of I would have expected without using the pills.

Unfortunately though the pills had side effects for me. Nobody mentions side effects among the glowing testimonials on the TrimSecrets website. But the stimulants meant I couldn't sleep, so I had to take the third pill much earlier in the day; and I started feeling generally nauseous (the caffeine) and quite low. As soon as I stopped taking the pills, these side effects eased.

I have tried herbal slimming tablets in the past - Zotrim comes to mind - but in my experience, they're useless and no substitute for a low calorie nutritious diet, exercise and willpower. Sadly.

The same goes for all the "miracle" treatments you can have at the beauticians which claim to reduce your weight by pounds, a dress size and so on. I mentioned one of them on this site, Universal Contour Wrap. There are many others, and watching "Silicone Chicks" on Discovery Health, you see how gullible women are. An overweight woman tried a treatment which, she was told, would reduce her measurements by an inch in three weeks. She had lots of treatments at around £40 a time I think it was, and did lose a couple of inches, but she was also using a personal trainer and so that's how she lost that weight. I expect the treatments gave her nothing more than smoother skin and a damaged bank balance.

My advice would be to spend the money on a personal trainer or, failing that, some delicious food that will indulge you as you diet - seafood, turbot or steak.

A Perfume Odyssey

I probably buy two or three perfumes a year. Yesterday I bought Bluebell by Penhaligon. It's a one note perfume, the sweet nostalgic smell of bluebells. I love most of Penhaligon's perfumes particularly Malabah and Violette, which always reminds me of my gran (although she wore Yardley's April Violets).

I'm never tempted by the big splashy perfume launches these days, and I would never buy a "celebrity" scent. All I smell there is something fishy, as celebrities lend their image to some putrid smelling cat's pee in a bid to make a fast buck. They're never going to be remembered scents.

My first ever perfume was Yardley Sea Jade when I was about 12. Next I was given Dorothy Gray's Midnight one Christmas, but I didn't care for it much. I think my mum was harking back to her own youth when she got it for me. Pretty Peach by Avon was marketed at young ladies but I didn't like it: I considered myself too grown up! A girl I knew vaguely, who had a bit of a lisp, is called to this day "Pretty Peach Ruth" by my mum and me, because she confided that she had some Pretty Peach hand cream! My mum was an Avon lady so I had exposure to a lot of Avon's perfumes at that time, Elegance, Somewhere, Topaz, Occur! Here Is My Heart, Elusive and Moonwind.

Next in my perfume odyssey came Aqua Manda or was it Kiku? One of those Faberge perfumes that were all the rage in the early 70s. The big one for me was Charlie, a real breakthrough perfume in all respects. It was different, it was confident and it epitomised a new type of young woman.

I was getting a regular kit from the Universal Beauty Club, a motley collection of perfumes and cosmetics, mostly by companies you'd never heard of. My mum was thrilled when a bottle of Californian Poppy was among the haul, but boy did it smell of cat's pee.

In my 20s I would succumb to marketing hype and occasionally buy brand new perfumes: Vivienne Westwood's Boudoir, Estee Lauder's Knowing, Byzance by Rochas. There was many perfumes I flirted with but didn't really love: Cinnabar (I liked it but it was not really me), Cabotine de Gres, Magie, Lumiere, Joy, L'eau d'Issey and very briefly Giorgio Beverley Hills (but everybody else wore it).

My second "breakthrough" scent was Diorella by Dior, originally launched in 1972 as one of the new generation of chypre perfumes. I first smelt it on a friend I'd met on a women's management course, and I couldn't resist buying it (even though perfumes often smell differently on other people). I still love Diorella and have a few drops of eau de parfum left, saving for very special occasions, because Dior only make it now in eau de toilette.

I first wore Diorella back in 1989 so there have been a few perfumes since then, among them Dioressence, Chanel 19, Chanel no 5, Cristalle, Miss Dior Cherie and Aromatics Elixir. All passing flirtations however.

Some perfumes are so evocative they instantly remind me of someone who wears them. My mother used to wear Alliage and Elizabeth Arden's Memoire Cherie (no longer available), and I can still remember how they smelt. I combed the web to find Memoire Cherie and eventually found an original soap, in America, which I bought for around five dollars. But my mum admitted later she'd gone off it. And I doubt if I could wear Charlie now.

My sister-in-law Sarah has worn many scents but to me, Cinnabar is the one that reminds me of her. One of my best friends Julie is synonymous with Opium.

There are some perfumes I truly detest: Youth Dew, Shalimar, Poison, Mitsouko, Tresor, anything with roses (I don't believe you can capture the smell of roses in scent) and the latest vogue of scents that all smell the same - the Britney / J Lo / whoever fragrances.

My belief is that the market for heritage and long forgotten perfumes, plus made-to-measure scent, will become huge as women of my age and older decide they want to have a unique wardrobe of perfumes rather than the same old scents churned out by the global perfumiers.

In search of the perfect eye cream

I first bought a specialist eye cream in my early 20s. It was by a luxury brand which doesn't exist now, Charles of the Ritz, and was a pearly pink. In those days I was looking for something to deal with the hereditary dark circles under my eyes. Now, I want an eye cream that helps with those plus hydrates and plumps the fine lines. The two needs are not mutually compatible. Most of the creams I have tried for dark circles a) do not work and b) are drying. I tried Clinique's Uncircle and when in the USA, rushed off to get Hylexin, "a dark circle breakthrough." It didn't improve the dark circles at all and I stopped using it because it was so drying.

I then switched to creams which hydrate and feel comfortable on the skin. My favourite was always Decleor Hydrotenseur serum, which feels wonderfully light and soothing and seems to eradicate fine lines. Last week, having run out and nowhere near a Decleor stockist, I bought Chanel's Rectifiance Intense retexturising eye cream. Initially I thought it was good: it seemed to hydrate and plump out the fine lines. Unfortunately, after using it for a few days, the skin around my eyes became red and sore so I stopped using it and reverted to a sample of Decleor Vitaroma which was such a relief.

I have now re-ordered Hydrotenseur from a very good website in the Channel Islands, Beauty and the East. They usually despatch on the same day, postage is free to the UK, and they usually include a few samples. There are often discounts for regular customers. Today for example I got 10% off, which was not insignificant when I bought both the eye serum and a new moisturiser(Experience de L'Age Triple Action Cream). Far better service than you get in most of the department stores!

I find that the expensive eye creams are far better than the cheap ones. Olay's Regenerist made my eyes red and sore, and L'Oreal's Collagen Filler Eye was drying and ineffective. Others which were no good for me were Clarins and Estee Lauder's Resilience Lift.

The best fix for the dark circles is to drink plenty of water, have enough sleep and use a light application of Yves St Laurent's Radiant Touch. If you're heavy handed, you get the reverse panda look as sported by Caprice.

Posh: Keep Lindsay at Bay - get her quilting for the day

I read that Lindsay Lohan (my partner said "Lindsay who?" Sums it up well) recently declared a wager saying she would "get" David Beckham.

I hope poor old Posh isn't getting too wound up about it. I wouldn't want her to go off her food. I mean, Lindsay Lohan?! What does she have going for her? She's been in a few teen films, she's had a few brushes with the long arm of the law, she's been in and out of rehab a few times (and still only in her early 20s) and she was turned down by George Clooney. Not a very impressive list of credentials, is it? She's not very appealing physically either, gingery with freckles and gawky. She plainly thinks she's a man magnet, although Calum Best, one of our best known idle layabouts and a recent squeeze of hers, is hardly in the same league as David Beckham, or George Clooney.

Still, if reports are to be believed, she's about to be fired from her studio so I guess she will have a bit of time on her hands. Posh, Machiavelli advises us to know and befriend our enemies, so my recommendation is that you meet Linds for a glass of that weird tea you drink and get her quilting for charity. Anything to help rehabilitate her image (her own advisors can't seem to do it) and keep her away from your husband.

Update on Smart Lipo, 10 weeks on

Thanks to all the readers who left comments with their experiences. The message seems to be that you need to be very patient if you've had Smart Lipo: the results can take three to four months to take effect.

Well it's now 10 weeks since I had the treatment, in two areas on my stomach (above and below the navel). I wanted to lose my belly bump in time for my holiday. I'd arranged to have Soft Lipo two months before my holiday, and asked if it would show an improvement in that time. I was assured it would. Well, to be perfectly honest, my stomach probably did look worse, two months on. I still have a ridge of fat that sticks out above the navel. You can see it from the side, even if I suck my stomach in, and if I wear something tight. So I wasn't as carefree on holiday as I hoped. I did wear bikinis.

I haven't had the recommended endermologie treatments. Unfortunately the salon ranfg up and cancelled my first session, at fairly short notice; and as this meant I could only squeeze in one session before my holiday, I didn't bother.

My advice to anyone considering Soft Lipo would be:
1) Be realistic about what it can achieve. I think I was expecting too much. Soft or Smart Lipo only removes a tiny amount of fat. If you want to see a big improvement, you should consider conventional liposuction.
2) It's best confined to small areas where diet and exercising has failed to make a difference.
3) Anticipate at least three to four months to see a final result. So if you're having it done for a holiday, wedding, etc, make sure you leave enough time.
4) Contrary to the advice I was given, the coagulated fat DOES seem to disperse faster if you exercise more vigorously. But wait at least a fortnight before you start exercising again.
5) You may have unsightly pouches or pockets of fat for several weeks after the procedure. This is the coagulated fat, waiting to be metabolised (it has to go somewhere!). This can often look worse than the site did originally.

Please keep adding comments if you've had the treatment or are considering having it.

In all honesty, with hindsight I would not have had it. That £3k would have been better spent, for me, on Lasik eye surgery. I have now embarked on a proper fitness regime and I expect that in six weeks or so I will have achieved better results than the SmartLipo.

Buying a holiday wardrobe

Off to Cyprus on Wednesday! Part of the pleasure of a holiday, for me, is the leisurely showering and hairwashing after a day in the sun, and then applying a glimmering body lotion, just a little make-up and a new outfit: a pretty dress or a floaty skirt and top, accessorised with a cute little bag and sandals.

I not only book the holiday in January, when it gives me something to look forward to in the dark months, but I start buying clothes in the winter too. This silk blue top by Mandolin I bought at the Swindon designer outlet back in Jan/Feb. I love the teal colour.

The cream dress with the embroidery, left, was bought in Marks & Spencer, a snip at just £45. I have a bag (shown) and matching shoes from Monsoon which are the same soft coral solour as the embroidery. Next to the dress is a floaty skirt, £35 from Marks & Spencer.

In La Senza I bought two bikinis, both with shorts (more flattering than briefs): the cherry print, shown, and a red and white polka dot. I love the flip flops which go with the cherry print. On the back of the chair is a red cover-up, also from La Senza. Ideal for lunchtime or for buying an ice cream and not wanting to walk over in just a bikini.

I like to buy a new beach bag too. The basket shown is from Marks & Spencer (£15) and I bought a new bag charm from Boho Fashion Jewellery (£18).

Helena Rubinstein no longer sold in UK

I was very sad to learn that Helena Rubinstein has withdrawn from the UK. I didn't see any stories about it but saw an announcement on their website when I went to search for their fantastic Golden Beauty range of self tanners, by far the best on the market (compared to Guerlain, Estee Lauder and Dior).

I would imagine that differentiation was their biggest challenge. They didn't stand out from the other brands. I'm in marketing and I would have struggled to guess where they see themselves, who their target customer is, and their positioning relative to the other luxury brands. They obviously decided the UK was not a focus area some time ago and their promotional activity was virtually zero: a pity, when some of their products were outstanding (I lived in Germany a few years ago and used to buy HR a lot then).

They still seem to have a presence in many other countries including Belgium and Germany. So I wonder why the UK was a problem? It's been on the wane here for a number of years, and I was finding it increasingly difficult to buy HR in the UK.

Yet they're using Demi Moore as their muse, and with the over-40s the most affluent, cash-rich market and more likely to spend money on beauty products, I see a huge missed opportunity for HR. Please at least consider selling online from your worldwide site!

The brand has a terrific heritage: Ms Rubinstein was a very formidable woman, up there with Estee Lauder. It's a shame to see the brand silently disappearing from one of the world's biggest beauty markets without any sort of analysis or fanfare.

Universal Contour Wrap really works!

In the interests of research, ladies, and as desperation sets in (two weeks today before my holiday starts), I am embarking on a course of Universal Contour Wrap.

It's had rave reviews and you are assured to lose several inches after one treatment; after the optimun number of three you can even potentially lose a dress size.

Of course it's not real "weight," but some sort of detoxing product which probably rids your body of water and "toxins." It all sounds like mumbo jumbo from what I've read, but hey, everyone agrees it seems to work, and they guarantee the results for 30 days. You can read about it here.
I wasn't expecting it to be a pleasant or relaxing treatment. Most of the online reviews told about "freezing cold" and paint a picture of you being trussed up like a chicken with nothing to do for an hour.

On the contrary, I quite enjoyed my first treatment. First you strip off completely, with just a pair of delightful paper knickers on. A charming and capable beautician at Evie Adams, Woodford Green, first jotted down all my measurements; she then applied a pleasant smelling mud, and finally, the bandages, which are wrapped round you so that you resemble a mummy. It's quite tight but not horribly so. The bandages are warm at this point.

You then put on a ludicrous pair of trousers and a jacket that have elasticated ankles and sleeves. By covering up the "goo," you can then lie down on the couch and read for an hour.

After the hour, your measurements are taken again. And hoorah, I had lost eight inches including one off my waist and two off each leg (one inch from the top of the thigh). Well, I was very pleased with this - and my normally tight jeans were easier to pull on.

I've decided to commit to the other two sessions (a course of three is recommended for best results, at a week apart).

Another piece of good news. I have found a wonder waist cincher! The Esbelt corset from Brazil can apparently even encourage inch loss. I wore it for the first time yesterday and instantly lost about two inches from my waist. It was comfortable, and at the end of the day when I took it off, my waist remained smaller! So, very impressed with it, and the service from Brazilian Lingerie who were very quick and sent a complementary pair of fishnet tights. The waist cincher costs £27.

SmartLipo update: 5 weeks on

My last post on my SmartLipo was a fortnight ago: it's now five weeks since I had the procedure in two areas of my stomach and midriff.

I'm sorry to report there's very little progress. I still have hard lumpy deposits which are visible from the side and look very peculiar. They are a little smaller than they were, but I can't say my stomach looks any better.

Disconcertingly, I used a sun bed today and the lumpy areas did not tan! So they look even more peculiar, islands of white standing out like a beacon.

I'm getting quite gloomy at my chances of wearing a bikini on holiday in less than three weeks' time. I might, for the first time in four years, have to buy swimming costumes or tankinis. It's a depressing thought, particularly when you spent £3000 to improve an area you hate, and it now looks worse.

I've booked two Endermologie treatments which are supposed to help. These are offered free of charge (the first two) following the procedure, except for £20 to buy the garment that you wear during the treatment.

New magazine for the cosmetic surgery generation

As an avid magazine reader, a new title caught my eye: "Brand New You." It was only a matter of time before a magazine was devoted to cosmetic surgery, and this is it. The adverts are unlike those you see in mainstream women's titles: they're for products offered by dermatologists, fillers and private hospital groups offering plastic surgery. The latter is not unusual except that their ads in this magazine are big and blatant, whereas in the other magazines they're much smaller and tucked away at the back.

So what did I think of Brand New You? Well, the cover of a launch issue is usually crammed with the most eye catching headlines the team can think up: those that will persuade people to part with their cash. So on the cover we're offered 148 anti-ageing secrets, a complete enhancement guide to sexy breasts and how to look and feel 10 years younger, plus 107 cosmetics you can't live without.

But inside, these tempting morsels are still only appetizers and don't deliver a main course.

Maybe I'm biased, being a former journalist, but it gets my hackles up when a magazine offers you various experts and then you find the experts have huge adverts. So, what we get here are lots of mentions of the Hurlingham Clinic, for example, in the articles, and lo and behold, a huge advert for the clinic. Angela Kavouni is described as the magazine's body expert on the panel, but she gets countless mentions in articles. When the advertisers write the magazine, it loses credibility, and credibility is essential when you're talking about potentially deathly surgery that costs thousands of pounds.

The other thing that bugged me is that the various treatments which are reviewed are nearly always in the Bath / Bristol area. Not surprising, given that the magazine is published in Bristol, but irritating nonetheless. I could imagine the staff of Brand New You gleefully rushing off to the local beauty salons for some freebies in exchange for a positive write-up.

The case studies of people who have had various procedures are all positive. I wonder if the magazine will touch on the darker side of cosmetic surgery: the procedures that go wrong and have to be repeated. Even "Extreme Makeover UK" had a couple of cases where the operations didn't go the way they should.

Send Gok Wan round!

The summer blight has struck. All the women's magazines are in a frenzy about looking good for the beach. It's all there, bikini diets, slimming wraps, fake tan, swimming costumes for all sizes, the desperate need to exfoliate and epilate. Bombarded as I am with all these messages, which is my fault for buying so many magazines because I hear it in stereo, I'm at a low ebb even thinking about baring all on the beach. The diet has been applied on and off since January and I've still only lost two pounds. I've had a personal trainer for the last six weeks, but I still feel unfit. I tried SmartLipo (see previous posting) but no improvement so far.

What I need now is Gok Wan!

He's the stylist who presents Channel 4's How to Look Good Naked. I find this such an uplifting show. Every week he takes a woman who hates her shape and convinces her she's beautiful. There's no plastic surgery involved. By the end of the programme, the women genuinely do look great. It's a far cry from the sterile and awful 10 Years Younger, where each week a woman is humiliated by experts who analyse her flaws and find ones she hadn't thought about, and then mutilate her with plastic surgery. At the end of the programme, the "reveal" is no better than Gok Wan's, and sometimes they even look worse than when they started.

Still, it's not very likely that he's going to turn up at my door so in the meantime I have to put up with a DH who says "go out running" all the time. Now, back to my web search for beach cover-ups....

Think carefully about SmartLipo: it's not the answer to all your prayers

SmartLipo is a fairly new procedure in the UK that has captured many headlines with its claim to be a fast and pain-free alternative to traditional liposuction, with no downtime. The Sunday Times Style magazine joined the bandwagon yesterday, running a full page article on the lipo you can have in your lunchtime.

When you do your research before having it done, you'll find it's very difficult to find anything other than positive articles and the websites of clinics offering it.

So I want to offer some much needed counter arguments. I had SmartLipo three weeks ago in two areas of my abdomen, roughly speaking above and below the belly button. Believe me, it is not the pain-free fast fix everyone seems to think it is.

My SmartLipo was performed by one of the doctors mentioned in the article, in London, and took about one and a half hours. My BMI is under 25 so I am not hugely overweight; I do however have a podgy midriff, and with the beach looming, I wanted to try to reduce it. I had consultations for Ultrashape (ultrasound) and Accent laser, and wasn't considered suitable for either. SmartLipo seemed ideal because unlike traditional liposuction, it improves the condition of your skin. The laser stimulates the production of collagen. At my age, this was a big plus because loose skin often looks worse than tightly packed fat.

I did find the procedure quite uncomfortable at times. I have a very high pain threshold; I don't have a lot of sympathy for people who scream and cry at the slightest thing. My eyes watered at the needle for the local anaesthetic, but I thought that would be the end of it. However, sometimes the probe hits a part of you that wasn't anaethetised and it is very jarring and painful.

Well, after the procedure I felt fine and went home in the compression garment and clutching some antibiotics.

I had traditional liposuction seven years ago on my hips and thighs, and I can honestly say that the next day, the SmartLipo treatment left me in more pain. Previously, I didn't even take the painkillers I'd been given and I felt ok to start exercising a few days later. A week after SmartLipo it was still hard to bend over, and it was two weeks later before I could even contemplate exercise.

Three weeks later I am still wearing the compression garment (they say it's usually worn for 3-5 days) and waiting for the procedure to show some positive effects.
What they don't tell you is that the fat, which is turned to liquid and then metabolised over a period of months, becomes a coagulated mass which gravity pulls downwards. So in my case, I have a very big lump above my belly button which is painful to touch, and visible in a swimming costume or a t-shirt if I don't wear the compression garment.

It hasn't gone down at all. I'm starting to fret that when I go on holiday in late June, I will have to buy swimming costumes because there's no way I can wear a bikini with this abormality.

I did speak to the doctor a week after the procedure and was assured this was perfectly normal and it would dissolve over time.

I thought I should share my experience because everyone thinks SmartLipo is an instant panacea, and when I searched the web for any negative or adverse reactions, I didn't find any.

Cosmetic frenzy in Boston

I was in Boston, US, last week when John was running the marathon there. I love US trips as a great opportunity to shop for cosmetics at lower than UK prices. I got off to a flying start on the plane, where I bought a Bobbi Brown Shimmering Lip Gloss Palette. Big mistake. The colours all look different in the palette, but when you apply them, you get the same result whichever colour you use. And not a great result either. Oh well.

Once in Boston, I made a beeline for Walgreen's and Sephora to search eagerly for stuff you can't get over here. In Sephora I found the Models Inc line, endorsed by Elle McPherson, which is darned difficult to buy in the UK, but it appeared they'd sold out of the miracle eye lifting serum. Damn. Moving on to Nars. I foolishly forgot to buy a new Multiple (my current one, two years old, I suddenly notice has nearly run out) but I did buy two dreamy cream eyeshadows, one in El Dorado (gold) and a double compact in Thebes. As I was queueing to pay, I was diverted by the dumper of small items they sell nea the check-out (similar to how children are tempted by sweets) and popped a Murad Exfoliating Fruit Enzyme Mask in my basket.

Meanwhile I didn't really find a Walgreens as such, but a similar store called JMB or something like that. I was hoping to buy the Crest stick-on teeth whitening strips, which they don't sell in the UK, but they were behind a sealed container with the legend "ask a staff member to help," and as there were no staff members around, I had to foregoe that one. I bought a few things which have mostly turned out to be useless. At least I didn't buy another nude lipstick. It seems to have become my mission in life to find a nude lipstick that flatters me. There must be one. I've accumulated several, and I still haven't found the right one.

Hurley's wedding goes pear shaped

Today's papers disclose that Elizabeth Hurley's father-in-law is fuming after being sidelined at her Indian wedding extravaganza. Vinod Nayar was not allowed to take the normal parental role in the ceremony; he was prevented by his son from taking photos at a cricket match, when the various D list celebrities were happy snapping away, and his gift of jewellery was shunned when Hurley wore instead an emerald necklace loaned by Arun's German mother, which his first wife had worn.

I must say I was quite surprised when I saw the Hello! magazine coverage because there were very few pictures of Arun's family. Now we know why. For the sake of their tawdy Hello deal (for which they got less than Wayne Rooney and Coleen) they squeezed out the family and squeezed in the D list, among them Trinny Woodall and Elton John's partner.

Hopefully these latest disclosures will sign the death knell for Hurley and Nayar, and will have a similar effect on their careers as "Cadburygate" did for Anthea Turner and Grant Bovey.

The Trouble with Ulrika.

I've always tried to like Ulrika Jonsson, I really have. At the start she seemed so nice and fresh; a gorgeous young Swedish girl blundering her way through the GMTV weather. But it becomes very difficult to be an Ulrika admirer. The girl is so needy, so self-centred, and her love life has been so relentlessly like car crash TV. Last week she reached a new low. Presenting a documentary about sex addicts, somehow the whole focus of the programme focused on: yes, Ulrika herself. Yes folks, she is a sex addict and that explains everything. Her relationship with her liberal Swedish father was immediately offered up as an explanation, and the "counsellors" went to town with a lot of pyschobabble.

It doesn't take a psychologist to work out that Ulrika has low self-esteem and ties herself to men who are "emotionally unavailable." I read her autobiography a few years ago and cringed at some of her neediness; for example how she threw herself on the floor screaming when one man was leaving her. I came away with the feeling that Ulrika would make a terrible girlfriend. She probably doesn't see other women as allies. She's one of those women who always has to come out on top, always get the man and always look better than the rest. When she presented a tawdy TV show about successful women competing to win the heart of a bachelor, what happened? Ulrika proved she was the best catch, not the other women, and walked off into the sunset with him. They even got married for a time.

Then there was Sven, the England coach, and the powerful image (thanks Ulrika) of his built-up shoes outside her door. And let's not forget the footballer and savage Stan Colleymore who apparently punched her in public.

Ulrika's now at a very difficult time career-wise. She didn't successfully progress to "serious woman TV presenter" so she's now in the holding pen of former glamour presenters who fight amongst themselves for the few BBC3 and 5 crumbs available (Zoe Ball, Carol Smilie, Anthea Turner, soon Davina McCall). And she isn't ageing well. Too much sun exposure, dieting and emotional turmoil have left her looking haggard. She faces the wilderness for a few years until she can come back as a wise and well preserved older woman and present travel and wildlife shows on daytime TV, like Angela Rippon and Selina Scott.

The only sound advice from the sex addicts experts (whose therapy involves you confiding in horses) was that Ulrika should be celibate for a year. Her horror at this suggested it's not an option she's going to take up, but I think it would do wonders for her career. She could, for starters, write a book about it.

Avon calling!

My mum used to be an Avon lady. When I was a young girl, she often took me with her as she plodded round the streets of Plympton with her blue tweedy briefcase containing foundation and perfume samples. I was always desperate for someone to want to try the foundation samples, in the little bottles, but they never did.

This early introduction into the world of beauty got me interested in products at a young age. I was enthralled with Avon's perfumes such as Elegance, Somewhere, Topaz and Occur (I considered myself too old for Pretty Peach!). There was a big launch campaign for, I remember, Moonwind, Bird of Paradise and Elusive.

One of the first products I ever had was an Avon mousse face pack called Matter of Minits, which came in an aerosol can. Quite innovative when you think about it. Mum was a devotee of Skin So Soft (which I believe they still do), and Eye & Throat Oil. She was good at selling and I remember going to a prize giving ceremony in the guildhall where she was presented with a tiny lapel pin for good sales.

Now, as a marketer, Avon intrigues me. I gather they are still performing very strongly in countries like China, but I would imagine that the mature markets offer little growth potential for their traditional direct seling model. A lot of women are at work during the day so it can't be easy to sell door-to-door. They famously don't have a retail presence, and their demographic - older women - are perhaps less likely to buy on the internet if they choose that route. I saw a TV show about Avon recently where they were trying to appeal to younger buyers with younger Avon ladies and diffusion brands for fashion make-up.

My take would be that they should focus on their core strengths and target their more innovative skin care products at women 45+. This is the market with the money. And this market knows the brand. Forget the youngsters. I can't see Avon ever being able co compete with the likes of Rimmel with Kate Moss.

I would give them a superb online presence, with delivery in 24 hours, and give people the touch/feel/smell experience by sending Avon into shopping centres with a hi-tech immersion experience and boffins in white coats with their anti-ageing products.

I would drop Tamzin Outhwaite, if they're still using her, and hire a role model for the 40s/50s like Amanda Redman or Carol Vorderman or, if they want global appeal, one of the Desperate Housewives or Sex In the City ladies.

I am not averse to a little cheating to hurry along the diet and exercise efforts. Recently I went to a clinic in London which uses ultrasound in a treatment called Ultra Shape. Unfortunately, I wasn't suitable for the treatment, but the doctor recommended I try something called RF (radiofrequency) with the new Accent laser. Now this has been around for years and available for the face, but only recently for the body. Thermage is another type of treatment which I was told doesn't get such good results. Accent is excellent at tightening the skin and its results are progressive because it stimulates collagen production. The doctor said his wife, in his 40s, had the treatment on her stomach and it significantly improved.

So on Tuesday I have an appointment at a Knightsbridge clinic for a consultation, and I'll keep you posted. I looked into two alternatives: Lipodissolve, injections which it's claimed remove fat (I'm a bit sceptical) and SmartLipo, which only seems to be offered at one clinic in London. Using a fine cannula, fat is loosened but not removed: it is metabolised and flushed through the system over a period of weeks. The benefit is that unlike normal liposuction, which hoovers out everything, this is more selective, and helps to stimulate collagen production so improving the appearance of the skin. I thought about this and didn't like the idea that results were long-term (how do you know it's going to work?) or the idea of fat swooshing around - surely it would re-adhere?!

Elizabeth Hurley's wedding tomorrow and no doubt she will look slim and fabulous, having said before Christmas that she and Arun were going to exercise and lose weight to look good for their wedding.

I've written about Hurley before and how I think her wedding, firstly at some old castle and then in India, is overkill. I imagine the Versace dress will be a form-fitting sheath type dress with a plunging neckline. I can't imagine her in a frothy frou frou or meringue type dress. I don't think we've seen a bride her age wearing white and the full works since...oh, Bet Lynch......

My own dieting endeavours were scuppered this week by a jar of nuts and an apple crumble. Neither of them very appealing, and in hindsight, not worth ruining this week's efforts.

I was attending a two-day meeting in London and assumed that the hotel mass-produced food wouldn't appeal. I was right, except that yesterday I made the mistake of not having breakfast, as the choices were bacon rolls (no, no!) or some unripe fruit (melon etc). Big mistake: by lunchtime I was as hungry as a horse and that's where the apple crumble came in. It wasn't even nice! Having gone off the rails I then decreed the rest of the day was what I call an "eating day," where I don't count calories and have something nice. Fortunately, the crumble was so filling I didn't stray for the rest of the day.

The nuts were equally heinous, those hard dry nuts you get in a hotel minibar. I was en route to a dinner and again, too hungry - so unfortunately those nuts were all that was so hand. I should be better prepared and have some of Gillian's seeds in my pocket. I didn't err too badly at the restaurant, Strada: I had buffalo mozzarella and tomatoes followed by a ravioli with tomatoes and spinach, and no pudding. But I won't weigh myself until next week!

Shortcuts to Slimness

Sometimes we need to see results sooner than can be delivered by dieting and exercise. So we try all sorts of shortcuts. Here are a few I've tried.

1) Slendertone / Ultratone, it comes in many incarnations, but offers faradic muscle exercise via pads and electronic impulses.

Years ago I bought a Slendertone "Gymbody 8," which was a set of pads you had to laboriously position, wire up and warily lie back while your muscles jumped around like Frankinstein the Monster on his slab. If the muscles didn't jump around, you'd placed the pads incorrectly and it could be quite painful. Well the kit wasn't very user friendly, so I eventually sold it. Slendertone then introduced their belt versions, and I've got the shorts that are supposed to tone your bottom and thighs, and the belt for the abdomen. The shorts version is just hideous to use. You have to grope inside the damn thing to peel off the protective pads; they're forever beeping, and it's all too much effort. The abdomen version is more successful in terms of usage, but I can't say I have noticed any results.

In the salon I tried Ionithermie, which provides the additional bonus of a clay mask in addition to the muscle toning. This works well, temporarily. A good quick fix if you wanted to slide into a tight dress for a party.

2) Creams and lotions
There are lots of creams that claim to firm the skin. Recently I tried Clarins Super Restorative Refining Body Care for waist & abdomen. Now this seems to work. I can't say I lost an inch round my waist, which some users report, but it definitely improves the appearance and tone of the skin. The only drawback is that it doesn't last long and it costs £45. Another product worth trying is Decleor Tonilastil Aromessence, the oil and balm. This helps tighten stretched skin and I found it good on the thighs.

3) "Magic Knickers"
These were 'outed' by Bridget Jones and by Trinny & Susannah, and have become more acceptable. In previous incarnations they were known as panty girdles! I've tried several different brands and to be honest, none of them are great. The Nancy Ganz slip, with built in bra, is awful and rides up all the time, plus the bra never sits in the right place. I have a hideous looking all-in-one by Annette, which comes down to the knees, in a skin colour. It's actually quite a good body shaper but it has a tiny opening for...er...going to the loo, and it's just not practical. I've got a black Miraclesuit which also has cycling short legs, and stops just below the bra with the aim of controlling a spare tyre (midriff bulge). The problem is, it starts to slip down during the night and you end up with a strange shape at the back.

The only type I would recommend are the straight forward cycling short variety as they minimise VPL and hold in the tummy slightly. But don't get too tight a pair because otherwise your stomach bulges over the top and the bottoms can be seen through your trousers. Miraclesuit & Annette can both be bought from http://figleaves.co.uk

Sinning and Slimming

As I mentioned a couple of days ago, turning serious attention to losing some weight (a stone / 14 pounds). I was going to do it my usual way, counting calories with the online tracker, endeavouring to have five portions of fruit & veg a day and so on, but then I came across "Simandslim.com" which, for just over £16, gives you a personal diet plan with a controlled web site area.

Intrigued, I completed the online survey, which aims to give you some leeway in terms of 'sins' each day and week, plus one day a month where you eat all you like. This is a bit alien to me because when I'm dieting I don't try to build in "treats." I've always thought that's the wrong approach. You need to change your eating habits instead of expecting a daily chocolate bar. Anyway, the website insisted that I come up with some sins so I came up with weekly restaurant meal, an extra helping of pasta once a week, two large glasses of wine twice a week, and a dessertspoon of jam or mayonnaise daily (that one I won't do).

The diet plan itself is 28 pages long. Nowhere does it talk calories, fat units or anything else; it insists you have a lot of vitamin C as this is supposed to increase metabolism, and you have to eat quite often throughout the day. I will be interested to see how it works out when I enter my daily intake into the online calorie counter I use.

Tonight is my first challenge: we're going to eFour, the local Indian, where I normally have a chicken rogan. Sin and Slim tells me sternly I must only have tandoori meat with a portion of rice the size of half a fist, and some vegetables (not in a sauce).

I'll let you know how I get on.....

Today was a significant date for a couple of reasons. Firstly, had I stuck to my post Christmas diet, started on 3 January, I would have reached target weight. Instead, I weighed this morning and was a pound heavier than my starting weight.
As Bridget Jones would say, "aargh."
I've got a normal BMI (under 25) and can still wear size 12 (US size 8) clothes, but there's no way right now I would wear a bikini on the beach. So, with Cyprus in June beckoning, I really have to knuckle down and get off my lardy arse (as John would say).
I have a terrific ally which is the website http://nutracheck.co.uk. It's an all-singing and dancing calorie counter and online diary, so no excuses for not knowing how many calories you've had.
The other significance of today is the start of Lent. I'm not strictly speaking religious, but it struck me as a good opportunity to give something up. So a large lump of cheese found itself hurtling into the wheelie bin just now, along with the Laughing Cow Lite ("no nutritional value" Gillian McKeith would say).
Stay tooned for how I get on. My new target date, as set by the website, is April 11.

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Today's Random Thoughts

I've never felt the same about Lorraine Kelly (GMTV) since I read that someone on her team resigned after a text destined for her husband went to LK instead. It said something along the lines of "LK is a witch and I hate her."

I used to think LK was sweet but now her voice sounds like Mrs Doubtfire and I find her cloying and irritating.

Daffodils

The Tete-a-Tete miniature daffodils are starting to come out in the front garden, joining the crocuses (crocii?). I shall take pictures at the weekends to make a scrapbook page. Spring is here!

Blogging

It was fun today checking back into two sites I discovered yesterday, myweblog and rankmyblog. On the latter my other blog still only has 3 votes (even though I've exhorted my colleagues and friends to visit!) and on the former I had a few messages and even someone joining my community. On Myspace, where I improved my page yesterday, I now have a friend, Frances (not just Tom, who's way too popular). Feel like I'm finally getting the hand of the blogosphere, after months of trying.